Last day of Term 2

I looked forward to today very much. I had been counting down since 4 weeks ago. And when today arrived, there're just too much bad news. My heart is so heavy, so tired, so weary. 

My scho_l project did not get green light. The boss wanna call in the team and interview them personally. It is a sign of distrust. I need to clear this before I leave for Japan. 

When I stepped into the meeting room this morning, there was a weird feeling. Later, people are very upfront about leaving. They will just say "can I not go for training? I am leaving already." I felt so so sad. It took me so long to get use to it, so long to find out who are the "good people". And yet, they will be gone in 6months time. I talked to the sen_or teacher, hoping to hear good news from her. She said no, she will really be gone. She said I can rise up soon. In my bottom of my heart, I was thinking, I have never ever wanted power. It was never on my agenda. I wanted stability, I wanted a happy workplace. But this is just not possible. 梦终究是一场梦。

One of my 40+ colleague had a sudden stomach pain. It was so pain that she walked herself into A&E dep. She is single, 40+, capable and needs to look after her old age mother. Looking at her, I am afraid to walk this path of single hood. A long lonely path. Will I be capable one day? Will I have to walk myself into A&E one day? Will I have to struggle with work and caring for my mum some day? And it is actually already happening.... 

Company my mum for her check up this afternoon. She has one new medicine to take - diabetes . To me, this is a terrible news. Age 62, is not that old, isn't? For a moment, I felt like the loneliest girl in the world. GREAT. At the clinic, she was humiliating me, I had to snap at her. I really had no idea how to live through my future.

Studies + A graduating batch of kids + admin work + caring for aging mother + groceries = ???????? 

Emotionally, it was a very tough day. Mrs Lim sent me a bible verse today. That verse shall be my strength to pull through tomorrow. 

Keep me as the apple of your eye;

hide me in the shadow of your wings. 

- Psalm 17:8

天父， 你曾经告诉我。你要我来这里，并不是要我为你做些什么，而是要我观看你能做些什么。但是，我而家真的很累很累。今天是学期的最后一日，我应该很开心，但系我一D都五开心。